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"What can you say about a society that says that god is dead and Elvis is alive?" Irv Kupcinet - about America?
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"Here lies an Atheist: All Dressed Up and No Place to Go." Epitath
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"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them." Bill Vaughan
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"You can pick your friends, you can pick your guitar, and you can even pick your nose,... but you cannot pick your family." unknown
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"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!'). Winston Churchill."
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"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." David Letterman
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"A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials." Ronald Knox
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"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn." Fulton Sheen
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"In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it." Dave Thomas
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin
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"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Jack Nicholson - from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra
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"Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish." Ted Whitehead
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"What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for." Irish Proverb
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"I find television very educating. Every time sombody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." Groucho Marx
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"We all know how stupid the average person is. Now realize that, by definition, fifty percent of the population is dumber than that." Ivan Stang
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