Funny Quotes

back

Funny Quotes
"What can you say about a society that says that god is dead and Elvis is alive?" Irv Kupcinet - about America?
"Here lies an Atheist: All Dressed Up and No Place to Go." Epitath
"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them." Bill Vaughan
"You can pick your friends, you can pick your guitar, and you can even pick your nose,... but you cannot pick your family." unknown
"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!'). Winston Churchill."
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." David Letterman
"A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials." Ronald Knox
"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn." Fulton Sheen
"In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it." Dave Thomas
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Jack Nicholson - from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra
"Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish." Ted Whitehead
"What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for." Irish Proverb
"I find television very educating. Every time sombody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." Groucho Marx
"We all know how stupid the average person is. Now realize that, by definition, fifty percent of the population is dumber than that." Ivan Stang

back